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Hello Rob,
I like your questions, It seems to be my process to do it a different way. To me I am burdened by a sense of self that never seems to be absolute,
______.
Hi _____: A wonderful and very powerful post. It was not that long ago ____, when the experience of "nothing was the eternal everything" and the "something that was me was the experience of nothing". Where the questions I posed to you led with Rob instead of ____, yet back then it was much more harsh than I posed to you at this time. It also seemed to me that my way was different, yet the path of that journey is a well worn path traveled by many before you and I. Is the trip different? No it is not in Truth for there is only One Truth, one creative flow that moves all things regardless of its very own perception, (illusion). Is your way unique? Very much so and therein lies its paradox and the great omnipotence of the eternal creative Self.
In the infinite power of our personal honesty such as the, "burdened sense of self", the harshness or coarse experience that we can call our way and at the same time our pariah that keeps us from embracing the very thing we have longed to surrender to. Is my way a better way or different? No it is not. Yet in my quest of what was Truth and what was illusion, lied in the brutal honesty and Love of the very thing I saw as my pariah, (in my way), which was me and my perception of the way of the world we live in. What a contradiction is it not? The very thing that was my burden was also the resolution of the embrace of my divinity. Oh how the venom would spew from my lips as one koan posed its question after another. The great contradiction that defied all that is seen as logic, to where the illogical was infinite in its absolute truth, the logic that prevails over all other logic. The very thing that must dissolve, the very thing that was my burden was also my everything. Please know _____, that if there was a pot hole to trip over in this path we call Enlightenment, I think I fell into it, and over a relatively short period of time. . Talk about feeling like a yo-yo.
How can the nothing be the everything and the something be nothing??? In the question itself when I posed it, I noticed that all it really did was flip around the defined identities of the words and in my harshness of that time my morbid humor would proclaim, if Mr. Webster of Webster's dictionary knew what I was doing with the definitions of the words he would flip over in disgust in his grave, and then my inner voice would crustily say, well that's what happens when you live in a box, whether a coffin or duality! It may be morbid, yet it had me busting a gut. . I guess there is a little bit of a rebel in all of us. In my opening as dramatic as it felt and overwhelming as I experienced my burden of making the bad guy go away so I can be the Divine guy that by the way is nothing and something at the same time. My journey's experience started as a sudden wake up for me, where I had the answers and yet did not know how I knew the answers. Is it different than any other path? No it is not, it was just uniquely experienced. Back then it was like looking at an algebra question, which I always had hated, where the answer is easily deduced and yet to write out how I got the answer seemed most important and yet there in lied a great paradox of this Journey we all walk. The resolution of the answer is not mathematical, it defies all boundaries and definitions of difference. So trying to work out a mathematical problem that goes like this; If, x=1 and a=12 and b=7 the problem goes as this; a+b=x, now make it true and logical. How does the many equal One? How does the something equal nothing and the nothing equal the 'everything something'? And now let the duel to the death of Rob I go! where one experience of conscious awareness dueled with the other, (the other being this small, imperfect guy named Rob the pariah) Which by the way did not stand a chance of defeating the conscious awareness of my eternal self. So in went the sword and pierced the heart of my small ego every time and die he did in dramatic ways only to resurrect again to dual again a next time I went into the silent eternal being of my nothingness. This old hunter and trapper felt like Elmer Fudd, no matter how many times I shoot that dastardly wabbit, it won't die! This Trapper trapped himself in a perpetual cartoon where no matter what I try the rabbit won't stay dead. I'm making light of it now yet back then oh how my burden was heavy and exhausting where as much as I tried to rest I could not sit and every step I made in my journey to the great mountain of enlightened nothingness seemed to never get closer. It seemed to me I would run towards this destination, and it would be getting closer then I would blink my eyes to see if what I was perceiving was real and then find myself back to where I started my sprint. Nothing changed. OUCH!!!!!
So this Outdoorsy guy gave up trying to kill what I could not kill, I stopped trying to get to a mountain I couldn't get closer to because of the pot holes I kept falling into led me always back to a beginning. In the anguish of my futile burden, A day came where the burden of knowing the truth and yet not being able to resolve how it was that way. I just collapsed under the burden of my anguish and that inner voice that continually posed the wonderful questions and gave me all the answers said, "this was so much fun, wanna do it again". I can say without a doubt If I could have, I would have killed that voice/My Beloved in the most horrible of ways. How could it have put me through such anguish and the angrier I got the more it laughed. One may see this experience as the epitome of Evil? Yet the thought never crossed my mind. Instead the exhaustion of anger took its toll on me and then, the burden became light, the illogical became logical, In the infinitude of the nothingness of my experience the something celebrated within the nothing and not as difference, In the infinitude of the unmoving absolute Truth, the question, (confusion, untruth, need to know, the burden, illusion, perception) and the answer, (Truth, peace, resolution, comfort in knowing) moved as a single thing called Wisdom. Truth is the unmoving and wisdom is the motion within the unmoving, not something separate, not different. The inaction, and the action within the creative celebration of the self expressing within itself in fresh and new ways, (uniqueness). I understood how inaction was the greatest action, how the nothing is the something everything, A+B=X!!!! It lied not in the koans of my questions, nor the profoundness of my answers. It was in every blessed and sacred thing that small ego did that I perceived as limited, and that could not be killed. The Christ is the creative motion of that which is not moving. This creative constant that I perceived was Rob the pariah, the Ego, the small identity in my way was the celebration of the unmoving eternal Self's fresh and new ways. I Truly savored thankfulness for the first time in my life and how small my beliefs of the power I thought it was, was small. The Beloved that laughed at me was not mocking me, it was this celebration of glory and praise of the thankfulness of a creative flow expressing as the unmoving Self in fresh and new ways. The world did not unravel, Rob did not die or dissolve into nothing, my perception of Rob and the world was the illusion, my belief that logical and illogical were different was illusion, my perception that nothing and something were not separate, their path and the others path were not separate and different, wrong became right and right became wrong and it all makes sense not in the answers but in the single motion of the question and answer, (the greatest action known as inaction) where the something is nothing and the nothing is the everything something!!!!!
Enlightenment lies not in the difference of our path for there is only one way, enlightenment is experienced in the realized thankfulness of your unique perceived burden, that is your uniqueness as _____! The illusion of creation is not the small self, it is its perception or belief of ______. The ego is not the pariah in Truth it is the celebration of the Beloved expressing His grand wonder occurring in fresh and new ways.
In a nutshell no matter how many times Rob dissolved into the nothingness, the guy keeps coming back! We can't kill what can never be killed we are the eternal self constantly creating in fresh and news ways, thankfulness/celebration/bliss. To travel to the distant mountain of enlightenment is ridiculous when you are One with everything thus, there is truly nowhere to go because you have always been there. It's like loading your car up to go on a big journey to travel to your big toe! This distance between your eyes and your toes will always be relatively the same, we can bend down and touch it and say I'm now there but if we try to hold that contortion we will get sore and have to stretch out and relax only to realize that the distance has returned to its original distance. My thoughts!
All My Love
Rob.